Screen Detox Fail

How is it that my children come down with a tummy bug, throw up a few times, eat hydrolite iceblocks and then they are fine again? Meanwhile, I come down with the same bug, spend an entire night in the bathroom and two days in bed feeling like pummeled playdough? Not that I would wish my horrid level of the illness upon them, rather I wish I had gotten off a little lighter! Our 'screen detox' had been going quite well until that point. Emergency measures needed to be taken. "Watch tv, play iPad, play PlayStation, just please let Mama rest!" Interestingly enough by the second day, they were getting quite bored of the unlimited screen time. Back to the detox now until the end of the month and then time for a family meeting to discuss how we all felt about the time off and how we wish to go forward.

Before Emerson and I were hit by the bug took a wander with my camera. The boys had come down sick that morning and we had been tending to them, so when Dada came home from work we escaped for a girls camera date. In the dying afternoon light, we visited this bougainvillaea I have been admiring. Last week it was covered in an even greater profusion of purple flowers. I must remember to seek it out again next year. I loved these two shots of my soon to be seven year old, with her blonde mermaid hair, and the flower she picked for herself.

The children are now back to normal. I'm still feeling frayed around the edges, but inspired by the amount of Pinterest I scrolled through whist resting. My brain was too foggy to read anything from the pile on my nightstand. Thank goodness for podcasts, Pinterest and PlayStation... in moderation.  

Screen Detox

Honestly, the biggest challenge I have faced as a parent, a homeschooler and an unschooler is that of 'screen time'. By which I mean iPad, iPhone, tv (Netflix and Foxtel) and PlayStation. I fell in love with the philosophy of unschooling - leaving the school model behind, following my children's interests and acting as a facilitator in their learning journey. Despite the issues practising unschooling gives rise to when meeting the reporting requirements of the Queensland Home Education Unit, I can see my children learning and retaining information about the topics they are interested in with joy. I see that they don't need to be forced to learn - unless you need to prove that they are in line with state curriculum requirements for maths and English - as my children don't voluntarily produce drafts and good copies using Blooms taxonomy each time they complete a science experiment or write a five paragraph essay on Ancient Egypt. They are full of questions and curiosity though. They do teach themselves so, so much. 

We have also adopted a more peaceful style of parenting since we began this journey. Deschooling together, questioning accepted parenting practices, supporting our children's autonomy as much as we can - but still making them brush their teeth! But the notion of unregulated screen time that seems part and parcel of unschooling has been a sticking point for me. I put it down to fear, further deschooling. I thought perhaps it is because I generally don't watch tv, I don't play the Playstation and I am more likely to be found with a book, a creative project or in the garden. 

I fell in line with the idea that children who aren't denied access to screens will eventually self regulate. Like a bowl of lollies that is always on the table, the children will know they are always there and will take them as they want them, rather than binging on the whole bowl. I read arguments for allowing children the autonomy to self-regulate, even if their self-regulation didn't look like what you hoped it would. Allowing them to stay up until two am and wake up at 10 am. I also read articles about addiction, eye strain, brain wiring and radiation. Get them off the screens and outside!

We've experimented with all sorts of things in the year and a half since we left school behind. Unlimited screen time, no screen time until after lunch, half an hour of screen time on weekdays, more liberal allowances on the weekends, screen time first thing in the morning. And honestly, it hasn't worked. There is no one size fits all for all families. My children are currently 10, 6 and 4. Each navigates screen time differently. My daughter is different from my sons. But each of them exhibited the same behaviours that made a month-long screen detox a viable answer for now.

When screen time wasn't until after lunch they nagged, 'Is it lunch time yet?' We would be out with friends and they would keep asking, 'Are we going home yet?' in order to go back to their devices. Like a game of musical chairs, they went from one device to the next, forgetting to eat, go to the bathroom, choosing not to go out when invited, talking and dreaming about very little else. I kept striving for balance. I kept inviting them to do things I thought they would enjoy. I brought them food. I reminded them to take bathroom breaks. I sent them outside to play with their eyes surely needed to focus on something a little further from their face. I umpired their quarrels over whose turn it was on the device. And I watched as their interests dwindled, their attitudes worsened and the harmony in our family dissipated. 

So here we are, day one of a one-month screen detox. My husband and I are both on board. Already the children have been playing Lego, playing with friends, running around in the back yard and spending more time with me. They have also had quite a few meltdowns today. Time will tell whether we extend the detox period, or how we find the balance in our lives. The unschooliest unschoolers will no doubt disagree with my conclusions.  But I have no mind to stick to dogmas that don't work for my family.

Do you have the same struggles with screen time? Do your children self regulate, or do you need to be the gatekeeper too? Do you believe screens are not as bad as people say, or something to remain wary of for developing brains?

Taking Stock : November

It's day two in bed with laryngitis. Yesterday I read until I fell asleep, over and over again. I could barely keep my eyes open for more than an hour, I just felt so drained. I'm feeling better today, but still taking it easy and reacquainting myself with my laptop. There have been so many good things happening of late, I thought a taking stock post was in order. 

Making: Embossed metal Christmas decorations
Creating: a beautiful engagement ring
Drinking: 'Brisbane Breakfast' T2 Tea - a birthday gift
Listening: Brave Writer with Julie Bogart podcast
Reading: 'It's OK to go up the slide', 'Teach Me To Do It Myself', 'The Bright Stuff', 'You Can Teach Your Child Successfully', 'Homeschooling for success', 'Bring Out the Genius in your Child', 'Trust the Children' 

Finished read aloud: The Children of Cherry Tree Farm, Enid Blyton

Next read aloud: The Children of Willow Farm, Enid Blyton Finished 

Visiting: the Qld Museum to see the Monkeys
Walking: through the Haig Street Quarry in Ipswich
Playing: with homemade playdough (even though I had no cream of tartar)

Growing: borax crystal geodes
Swimming: in natural rock pools at Cedar Creek Falls
Enjoying: a day spent fossicking for thundereggs with friends
Cracking: open geodes
Liking: my archery date with my nine-year-old
Wondering: at the amazing world of insects Michelle from Bugs Ed shared with us
Noticing: the confidence horse riding has brought out of my daughter
Pondering: white and wooden Christmas decorations
Buying: gem specimens for my children's' gemstone collections
Watching: The Detectorists
Painting: butterflies but making slow progress with so much else happening
Marvelling: at the chicks that our broody hen hatched from fertilised eggs
Celebrating: My 37th birthday with a date night with my husband
Coveting: new glasses
Loving: the Mulberry Planner journal that I brought for next year, but have already started using
Finding: a nice rhythm to our homeschooling in our second year
Wearing: bigger, bolder earrings than usual
Following: my children's interests 

Keeping: room for my interests 
Noticing: the way learning just shows up as we live our life
Knowing: homeschooling was the best decision for us
Thinking: that my youngest has one more year until he 'starts school', or in our case, needs to be registered to homeschool
Admiring: the APT exhibition at QAGOMA
Sorting: through the whole house in an effort to declutter and rearrange
Getting: rid of as much as possible!
Bookmarking: the new blog I created for our homeschool group
Experimenting: with different liquid densities and making a 'Rainbow Jar'
Giggling: at the silly things four-year-olds say
Feeling: excited about a few nights away in a cabin by the beach
Snacking: on in-season fresh fruit - mangoes, lychees, berries, oh my
Hearing: the peep, peep of our chicks as they free range in our backyard

Waiting: for my sister and her son to come home for Christmas

-

Joining in with Pip.

Blooming

Whenever we travel we play the 'imagine if we lived here' game and daydream about what our home and lives would look like in our new surroundings. An apartment in the City. A shack by the beach. A cottage in the country. Would we settle in easily or have to contract or expand ourselves in our new spaces. What would be different? Better? Worse? It's a fun game to play, but it is always so nice to come home after our travels that such thoughts are quickly forgotten.

More and more often lately I have been having those 'imagine if we lived here' thoughts about buying more land away from suburbia. Even just two acres with a little dam and some native bush.  A wrap around balcony. An orchard. A huge veggie patch. A 'tree change'. Unfortunately, finances and commute time for my husband doesn't allow for such daydreams to come true at present. And were my husband's dreams to come true, they would not involve more land and animals, but rather a property that backed onto a golf course! 

Still, unfulfilled longings can be quite frustrating and I probably don't help myself with my choice of reading material! Lately, I have been reading 'A year in the Valley' by Jackie French, 'A wood of one's own' by Ruth Pavey and the visual candy of 'Country Style' magazine. All rather romantic tree change enablers. Also not helping my tree change longing is that a friend and her family have recently moved to their own 20-acre tree change close to the beach. Happy sigh. We spent an enriching and rejuvenating day with them recently exploring their land and breathing in their horses. It was wonderful.

To while away the time when I was sick in bed recently I spent some time (a lot of time) looking at real estate sites and trying to find the perfect acreage that would suit all our needs. I found it. I even drove past it, slowly. But the time for such things is not now. So what to do except bloom where I am planted? There was a time when I longed for the home and land we now have. A time when I was pregnant with our second child, pulling up the carpet in this house in an effort to get the renovations completed so we could move in. I'm so grateful for all we have. I get to do all the things I want to do - spending my days with my children, making and selling jewellery, writing, reading, drawing, crafting, gardening. And though I long for more space, more quiet, more nature and more animals, my cup is pretty full with all I have.

10 Things About Me

I generally suppose that only family and friends read my blog posts. However, I noticed I have traffic from all over the world, so I thought I would share a few things about me, the Mama behind Musing Mama.

1. My Mother didn't know she was having identical twins until my sister and myself were born. My older brother had been ten-pound-born, and it was assumed she was having another big baby. My Mum fainted at the news. My father says that even 36 years later, he is still getting over the shock. Fiona and I were indistinguishable to many when we were young, but our subtle differences have grown over time. We are the very best of friends, and though we are separated by two states at the moment, we talk to each other nearly every day.

2. When my husband asked permission for my hand in marriage, my father warned him that he would be marrying both twins, as we are inseparable. If not for my twin taking a job at 'Handmade Things', I would never have met Dave, who worked at a camera store in the same complex and knew one of her staff members. Fiona told me about the cute photographer and told me to check him out when I got my lunch. He looked up as I was walking past, probably confused as to why Fiona suddenly had long hair, while I didn't know what to do when he saw me looking at him. I panicked, poked my tongue out and kept walking!

3. I have always been surrounded by books, art and craft. My mother was a dressmaker and decorated wedding cakes. My father and brother both welders with a gift for building things. I was not talented at any of the sports I tried my hand at, but I loved to read, write and draw. I dreamed of becoming a painter. I left school and completed a Bachelor of Fine Arts/ Visual Arts to become an artist and became a jeweller instead.

4. Dave and I were married on the beach in Byron Bay. Early on when we were dating we took a trip in his van to Byron and lived out of the back of it for a few days. We had very little in common. I thought that trip would make or break the relationship - four days, no shower and no hotel, just parking by the beach and rambling around the town and the waves. Byron was where we fell in love, where we were married, and eventually the middle name of our first born. We went back for our tenth wedding anniversary, and though it had lost some of the charm it had ten years before, it was a gift to return with our first two children.

5. Dave and I married when I was 21. We renovated and sold our first house so we could travel the world for 12 months. After six months in England, Wales, Scotland, France, Amsterdam, Italy, Budapest, Croatia and Greece I had to return home to Australia as I was so unwell. I ended up in hospital in Greece, but they could not find the cause of my symptoms. Upon my early return to Australia, specialists discovered an abscess on my ovary that had fused to my fallopian tube and the whole lot was quickly removed.

6. Children hadn't really been in our short-term plans, but after losing an ovary and being advised not to wait, we soon had a new house and a baby boy called Cohen Byron. When he was 3.5 years old we welcomed his sister Emerson Noni, and when she was two we welcomed our last son Oscar Arlo.

7. I fell in love with motherhood and never wanted to send any of my children to childcare. A few years later I began my own business so that I could work from home and express myself creatively. Now I successfully sell my jewellery online and in galleries and do custom work and trade work from my workshop at home.

8. We live on a 688m2 block of land with a black cat, six chickens, and a tank full of Golden Apple water snails. I love to garden, growing veggies, fruit, herbs and flowers. A possum visits our back deck each night to rummage through the kitchen scraps before I put them in the compost bin. Several birds nest in our front tree each year, and we watch the eggs hatch from our front deck. And I dream of more land and more animals.

9. We took our children out of school last year when Cohen was in grade three and Emerson was in Prep and began homeschooling. It had always been in my heart to homeschool, but my husband wasn't on the same page. After three terms of Emerson crying at school every morning, he finally came on board. I couldn't be happier than I am now unschooling our children, living and learning along with them and witnessing them flourish.

10. I still love books, art and craft. Thanks to my children I have rediscovered a love of nature and science. You will often find me pottering around the garden, making things from scratch, knitting, reading, drawing in my nature journal, making my own laundry liquid and recently our own candles. There are posters of insects on the walls and science experiments on the dining table. Our bookshelves are overflowing, as is our nature table. The beds will be made, but the floor will be dirty. If the dishes are clean, the laundry won't be up to date, or vice versa. But our house feels like home, and I don't think I have ever been happier.

Thanks for visiting my little space on the net. Join me for a cup of tea anytime and feel free to ask questions in the comments. xx

Life lessons

There have been some difficult life lessons lately after our cat, George, got in amongst the quails. First, two quails went missing and the only evidence of their existence was a small pile of feathers in the yard. We thought they had flown over the fence of their run, then been caught by the cat, so we extended the fence higher to keep them in.

Next, Emerson found the cat with a quail in his mouth. Her scream sent me running, and though the poor bird survived the ordeal, despite our best efforts, she did not survive the night. That was particularly hard on my sweet nature loving six year old. We buried the quail beneath a lemon tree and although distraught, Emmy understood that it was in the cat's nature and loved him regardless. We found a small gap where the rain had washed away the soil and the quail could possibly have escaped, so we boarded it up and as an extra measure brought a large bird net - the type that goes over fruit trees - and secured it over the hutch and run so that the birds couldn't possibly fly out.

A couple of days later Emerson's heart broke yet again when she discovered three dead quails in their run. I sent her inside to get Dada while I inspected the damage. Three of the remaining six quails had their poor little heads bitten off and all evidence pointed to the cat. We believe he had been jumping the neighbours' six-foot fence, walking along the cubby house and jumping into the run. While we had been worried about keeping the quails in, we had not realised we needed to focus on keeping the cat out. He's more than twelve years old but obviously should not have been underestimated. This time Emerson asked if we could sell the cat...

The netting is now nailed in place and the cat has no means of entrance. I am pleased to say that the surviving quails are doing quite well. We tried to replace the missing quails, but as it is Autumn and quails hatch in Spring, we shall have to wait until next year to increase our flock again. Emmy has forgiven George, while also learning much about the nature of life and death.

I took the children to see a baby barn animals petting farm and she would now quite like to add a goat, piglet and sheep to our menagerie. But for now, she will have to make do with six chickens, three quails, one naughty cat, hundreds of gold apple water snails and a mealworm farm.

Gathering...

... together under a tree

... around Mama while she demonstrates

... twigs

... leaves

... decorations

... memories 

Time

 1 & 2. Early morning drawing, 3. Invitation to play, 4. Joining in to make my own 'ant', 5. A tidied up Nature Table, 6. Corners of our home

Do you ever have that feeling, when you have free time, that there is something you 'ought' to be doing? That the fact you actually have free time means you have probably forgotten something? I do. A lot. And it is happening more frequently since we began homeschooling and 'slow' has been adopted into the rhythm of our days. What a funny feeling to have. Busy was so normal that slow is taking some getting used to. I don't imagine my toddler wonders when he has free time, 'yes, but what am I supposed to be doing?' He just follows his interests, his joy, he plays. I am trying to shake off this strange feeling and enjoy our unscheduled times.

This is the gift that I wanted for my children. Time to play, explore and follow their interests. How funny to realise that this means I too have more time!